Friday, 19 July 2013
"It's dark. I've been sleeping for hours on the bed with my new family. I remember the time with my mum and brothers and sisters. We were one pile of claw and fur. There was also milk for us. It made us feel warm and safe. It's a bit different here with these two humans. They are so big! It's like mountains moving when they turn. It makes it hard for me to stay close to them, but I try. I lie on her chest with my paw stretched out to his shoulder. I truly hope they appreciate the effort I make to stay connected. Hm, time for my bowel-movement. They've given me a litter box and I know how to use it. I'm not like these slobbering dogs at the RSPCA that whine and scratch in order to get out, otherwise they defecate on the floor. Not me. I am a cat. We have our dignity and know how to keep ourselves and our territory clean. So I jump off this comfortable bed and head for the litter box. I do what I have to do and then scratch around. The elegant lady seems to wake up from the sound.
'Mmm, are you using the box Possum?' I think she means me with 'possum'.
'Phooey! That stinks!!!!!!! Sweety?! Wake up! He's poo'd'.
I am awake, so I think with 'sweety' she means the gentleman, not me..
'Oh-my-God, what a stench. It's the middle of the night', she grumbles.
Eh? what is wrong with a night time bowel movement? I've been sleeping for hours on end. I'm baffled, to say the least. Nevertheless, she jumps out of bed, grabs me and hands me to the gentleman.
'He didn't even bury that properly! One big turd for us all to see and smell with three bits of kitty litter sprinkled on top of it!'
Eh, excuse me! This is only a small box, I don't want to get my paws dirty, thank you very much!
This is not the end, the list of complaints goes on....
'Ugh, how can something so small and cute produce such a stench?'
Yes, I'm cute. Every cat worth his salt knows its worth. However, what is this commotion about a perfectly normal physical function?
She then storms outside with the contents of the litter tray. When she comes back, she grabs a bottle and starts to spray something that smells like flowers before coming back to bed. Does that mean humans smell like flowers when they go to their litter box? Is this a territory thing? I find it all very strange, offensive even. I know some cats are into this imperialism, but not me. Too much like hard work. Anyway, this has been going on way too long for my taste, I'm hoping we can finally go back to sleep.
'Ooh, I haven't been sleeping well'.
Yeah right. The complaints just keep on coming tonight.....
'With him draped over us, I'm afraid to turn in case I crush him in my sleep'.
'It's ok darling', he says soothingly.
Good, I really need some comforting after this list of endless accusations. He really is a gentle gentleman.
'I'll keep him here on my side, you get some sleep'. Uh? He was talking to her?? Nevertheless, he gives me a cuddle, switches off the light and we can all get some sleep now. I knew it wouldn't be easy living with humans...."