Kin Kin, where bigger is better!

"So, we finally went to Kin Kin. I was told when I arrived at Bat End that we have a beautiful place in the country, and that we will be travelling there and back again every week. As the time moved closer, the Elegant Lady packed more and more stuff. Humans really seem to have a lot of stuff. They seem to think they can't live without it. The Gentle Man was noticeably excited. So, Kin Kin seemed like a truly mysterious place, where life must be really good. What was a mystery to me is the name. It's the same word twice. Isn't 'Kin' enough? Or 'Double Kin'? What about 'Two Kins'? I figured there might be a reason for it, and I was about to find out.

The car was packed, my Humans excited, and I got strapped in my harness and taken in the car. Did-Not-Like-It. There was a rasping roar, everything started to wobble, and suddenly the trees were shaking again. Elegant Lady took me on her lap, and held me tight. It calmed me and eventually I think I must have fallen asleep because in the next moment we were arriving at Kin Kin, and I was introduced to my second new home. And it was BIG! I raced around, skidded over the tiles and flew straight into the fly-screen! It's all HUGE. Call me 'Lord-of-the-Fly-screen'. The rooms are bigger, the bed is bigger, the screens are fantastic! Even my food bowl is bigger, and my litter-box... actually, after a second glance I realise that my litter-box is exactly the same. Different colour maybe, not too sure about that. Apart from that I started to have an inkling as to why my Humans look so happy. Bigger must be Better!

Something strange happened the next day. I was snuggled up beside them on a bench. Before us is this BIG table. Did I mention the table is bigger too? Well, it is. Moreover, from the bench it's only a little stretch for me to get up there. I can see the whole room. The Elegant Lady came in with a roast chicken. Both my Humans go 'Oooh' and 'Aaah' over the scent. I couldn't agree more. I hop onto the table (not even a jump) and check it out. 'Noooo'. 'Mooch, stay away!' The Gentle Man's voice is not so gentle anymore. 'Huh?' 'You mean, Me?' 'You actually mean that I can't be here and can't have chicken?' I was actually whisked off the table. Not just whisked, scruffed like a naughty kitten. I am still utterly confused. I can be on a bench, but not on a table? What is the difference between this surface and that surface? It's easy to reach. Meaning, if I can reach it, it's my territory. More importantly, you tell me all day how utterly adorable I am, you want me to be part of this family, but I can't join you for dinner and have this chicken? It must be human logic. Fortunately, not much later some chicken appeared in my 'bigger-and-better bowl'. After that I fell asleep on the 'bigger-and-better' bed.
I was reflecting on the Kin Kin mystery on the way back home in the wobbly car. It struck me that everything was bigger and better in Kin Kin (except the litterbox). One 'Kin' simply won't cover it, so it's doubled up. Yes, I think that's a reasonable explanation. Mystery solved with some furry logic. Now I can go back to sleep!"

Moo-Chi meets the 'Red Dot'

"Something really important and exhilarating has happened today. This was the day I met the 'Red Dot'. Back at the RSPCA I had heard rumours about an elusive Red Dot. It was said that every cat that found a good home would eventually meet the 'Red Dot'. It was also said that it was either going to bring great joy, or become one's downfall. Apparently it has emotionally ruined certain cats. 

Moo-Chi chasing the Red Dot, which was green!

This afternoon I heard the sound of a zipper, then a click and there it was....hovering over the couch, then flying over the surfaces of the room. There was no way I could have mistaken this for anything else...this was the 'Red Dot'. I kept thinking it was a green dot though, however, I'm a feline. This means a truly superior sense of hearing, a great sense of smell, glorious fur (silken to the touch), retractable claws, stunning reflexes, beauty divine, elegance, and, last but not least, a purring-machine included with all this magnificence. Nevertheless, we're not that good with discerning colour. It's something we don't talk about all that much.

So, here I am, running, jumping and flying like crazy after this Red Dot, thundering through the whole of the house with the humans hysterically laughing. For some strange reason, they thought it was funny. The Dot was truly pesky. It would hover, as if trying to tempt me, then fly away at great speed. I would lose it, only to show up near my paw and fly away as soon as I saw it. It made no sound at all, which, given our superior ability to hear, is impressive. (Some people seem to think that dogs have better hearing than us. Let me make it perfectly clear, for once and for all, that this is a fallacy. We cats have MUCH better hearing than dogs!) After a while my movements started to slow and I started to pant. This was hard, very hard. I can understand now how it could become some poor cat's downfall. It has the ability to totally wreck someone's self-esteem. Then I heard the click again, the sound of a zipper and it was gone. With difficulty I dragged myself on the bed and flopped down for a good night sleep. Happy and content knowing I had met the 'Red Dot'. I had found my home."

Note from the Elegant Lady: 'Mooch was actually right. It was a green dot. David, a.k.a. 'The Gentle Man', has a green laser pointer which is zipped in a snug little bag when not being used.'

Meet the Gang at Bat End!

Another beautiful day at Bat End. The Elegant Lady takes me for a tour around the place. First I meet the chickens. They all stay together, except for one, Ginger Chicken. She is a big chicken; much bigger than me, and I’m told she pumps out a large egg every day. All the other chickens are smaller and so intimidated by the size of her eggs, they are all off the lay. I don’t care about her eggs. I’m intimidated by her, full stop! She’s big!

Next thing I see is a bird who is MUCH bigger than Ginger Chicken. He has HUGE feathers that are insanely coloured. I was intimidated before, now I’m downright nervous, but the Elegant Lady holds me tight and talks to me softly. She says his name is Gonzo. He is a peacock, and because he is so beautiful he is also called Pretty Boy. Well, he is sure showing off his feathers. Catwoman loves him, not for his feathers though, but because he kills snakes. I’m also told a snake can kill me, so I should leave Gonzo alone and treat him with respect.

There are also a few peahens with Gonzo, and one of them has two pea-chicks. The female is not as big as Gonzo, but she is still HUGE; about three times the size of Ginger chicken. The two pea-chicks however, are exactly my size. They are called Pixie and Punky because they have funky little mowhawks on their heads. The Elegant Lady tells me they are NOT a tasty variety of KFC, and I should leave them alone. Their mother will get very angry if I misbehave. Indeed she looks like a Big, Mean Mamma. Pity…I could have had some fun with them.

The naming of a cat...

“Hello!! My name is Possum. Or, at least, I think it is. The elegant lady keeps calling me Possum, or Sweetie; very confusing, because she calls the gentleman ‘Sweetie’, too. Catwoman called me ‘Port’ and ‘Guinness'. Nobody calls me ‘Midnight’.

It is a beautiful sunny day and I’m outside with the elegant Lady, the gentle man and Catwoman. I think they’re discussing something serious. Catwoman brought a version of ‘Old Possums book of practicle Cats’. ‘It’s time he gets a proper name’, she says. ‘I agree. ‘Midnight’ is not a great name for him.’

Ah, so that’s what this is all about. Possum is not my name either, nor Sweetie.

The ladies open the book and start reading ‘the naming of cats’. Then they recite in unison a poem about Macavity. Apparently he’s not there. He’s also ginger, so that’s not going to be my name. I’m starting to think that this a holy book for humans, about the naming of a cat. I’m deeply impressed.

‘What about Mr Mistoffelees? He’s black!’ The elegant lady likes the name except for the fact that it’s a name of a demon. ‘I’m not going to name my cat after demon,’ she says. Catwoman disagrees. ‘It’s a great name. He black and naughty. A demon’s name is totally appropriate’, she says while giving me a ruffle.

What about ‘Lucifer?’

Elegant lady, ‘No’

Catwoman, ‘Beelzebub? Bulby for short.’

‘No’

Demonspawn?

‘No!!!’

‘Hellboy?Faust! Yes, you’re a Faust, aren’t you’, she says while I’m purring away under her lovely touch. I feel rather seduced by this Catwoman.

The elegant lady is fed up now. ‘No, I am not going to name him after a demon!! He is NOT naughty. He has a lovely character.’

‘Ok, ok, what about Stout’ says Catwoman, while giving me another cuddle. You know, or Guinness. Or PORT! Port is a great name for a black cat!’

‘No. I’m not giving my cat an alcoholic name either.’

I am wondering now. Do demons and alcohol have something in common?

‘Maybe I should call him TOFKAM,’ sighs the elegant lady. ‘Tofkam??’ The other two aren’t convinced. ‘Yes, ‘The Cat Formerly Known As Midnight’. The gentleman thinks it will become ‘Toffee’ for short, and that is the wrong type of colour.

What about Ananda? It means ‘bliss’. ‘Are you an Ananda, Sweety?’ she asks me. Uh, am I an Annawhatta? Anawaddawadda? No way! I can see she looks dejected, so I give her a little nudge on the chin. She strokes me and notices that I’m a really good smoocher. She’s thinking out loud. Smooch? Mooch? Mooji? What about Moo-Chi?

Did I hear Moo-Chi? Yes! That’s it! A cool Zen name! I’m a Moo-Chi!”

Nighttime activities

"It's dark. I've been sleeping for hours on the bed with my new family. I remember the time with my mum and brothers and sisters. We were one pile of claw and fur. There was also milk for us. It made us feel warm and safe. It's a bit different here with these two humans. They are so big! It's like mountains moving when they turn. It makes it hard for me to stay close to them, but I try. I lie on her chest with my paw stretched out to his shoulder. I truly hope they appreciate the effort I make to stay connected. Hm, time for my bowel-movement. They've given me a litter box and I know how to use it. I'm not like these slobbering dogs at the RSPCA that whine and scratch in order to get out, otherwise they defecate on the floor. Not me. I am a cat. We have our dignity and know how to keep ourselves and our territory clean. So I jump off this comfortable bed and head for the litter box. I do what I have to do and then scratch around. The elegant lady seems to wake up from the sound.

'Mmm, are you using the box Possum?' I think she means me with 'possum'.

'Phooey! That stinks!!!!!!! Sweety?! Wake up! He's poo'd'.

I am awake, so I think with 'sweety' she means the gentleman, not me..

'Oh-my-God, what a stench. It's the middle of the night', she grumbles.

Eh? what is wrong with a night time bowel movement? I've been sleeping for hours on end. I'm baffled, to say the least. Nevertheless, she jumps out of bed, grabs me and hands me to the gentleman.

'He didn't even bury that properly! One big turd for us all to see and smell with three bits of kitty litter sprinkled on top of it!'

Eh, excuse me! This is only a small box, I don't want to get my paws dirty, thank you very much!

This is not the end, the list of complaints goes on....

'Ugh, how can something so small and cute produce such a stench?'

Yes, I'm cute. Every cat worth his salt knows its worth. However, what is this commotion about a perfectly normal physical function?

She then storms outside with the contents of the litter tray. When she comes back, she grabs a bottle and starts to spray something that smells like flowers before coming back to bed. Does that mean humans smell like flowers when they go to their litter box? Is this a territory thing? I find it all very strange, offensive even. I know some cats are into this imperialism, but not me. Too much like hard work. Anyway, this has been going on way too long for my taste, I'm hoping we can finally go back to sleep.

'Ooh, I haven't been sleeping well'.

Yeah right. The complaints just keep on coming tonight.....

'With him draped over us, I'm afraid to turn in case I crush him in my sleep'. 

'It's ok darling', he says soothingly.

Good, I really need some comforting after this list of endless accusations. He really is a gentle gentleman.

'I'll keep him here on my side, you get some sleep'. Uh? He was talking to her?? Nevertheless, he gives me a cuddle, switches off the light and we can all get some sleep now. I knew it wouldn't be easy living with humans...."

Cuddles and accusations

"Hi, It's Midnight here. I've come home today. I just had a lovely snooze with the elegant lady on the bed, in our little granny-flat. She's telling me there’s another lady living on the property. Apparently this lady loves cats too, but is also enamoured of bats. Strange combination. Perhaps it's because 'cats' and 'bats' rhyme. Her partner is called 'Fruitbat' and they refer to this place at the edge of town as 'Bat End'. Does that mean she is the BatEndCat woman? Well, at least it's not BADendCat woman! 
The gentleman is talking. He's telling me the Batcat woman is called Selina.

My inquisitive nose twitches. 'So what about Fruitbat? I presume he likes fruit and bats, but is that his real name?'

'Fruitbat' he goes on, 'lives with Selina. He keeps a low profile, so you’ll probably meet her first. She’s very enthusiastic with animals.’

Sure enough, not much later I hear a clipper 'Hellooo' outside. Selina strides in, looks at me and states the obvious... 'Oh, he's all black! Are you a naughty kitten?' she asks me, as she leans closer. 
Eh? My blackness is obvious, but my naughtiness? I'm black, but why does this make me naughty? I'm not naughty! Does being black make me naughty?

'Yes! You are a naughty little kitten', she asserts, confirming an answer to her own question. 

Okay. I'm officially confused now. What did I do wrong? Even in my darkest hour, when I was shoved in a box and driven around in a wibbly-wobbly car, I didn't soil myself. Nor the box. Nor did I scratch the humans. Any lesser cat would have caused a cat-astrophy, but not me. And don't get me started about the behaviour of dogs in situations like that. Nevertheless, she says I'm naughty. Hrummph!

However, she's forgiven instantly with her next gesture. She picks me up. My confusion disappears, or more to the point, it ceases to be important. She has 'The Touch'. I am putty in her hands. I don't know about the bats, but she is THE Cat Woman, without a doubt.
'Oh, that's a purr! You're beautiful, you're so trusting' she marvels. 'Look' she says to the others, 'he's so relaxed that I can just dangle him upside-do......'
NOOO..'HELP'. She's taken my legs and holds me upside-down. I'm a CAT, not a BAT...cats do NOT dangle from their hind legs. My little heart is racing and pounding in my ears. I squeal, squirm and squiggle! Selina immediately lets me go and apologises. She plants a kiss on my head that calms me down. A little ruffle, an assurance that she'll never do that again, and she's gone.
Phew! But she has 'The Touch'....! She can come again!


Moo-Chi, being helpful.

I'm all energised now, I look around the place, and notice a lot of shelves and interesting objects. I am sure some of the objects will roll nicely, maybe even make an interesting sound when they hit the floor. I may not dangle upside-down very well, but climbing shelves is a piece of cake for a kitten with my abilities! Fascinating..one little tick with my paw and... what do you mean, no?? The NO actually repeats itself, this time louder. Eh, naughty? What do you mean, naughty? Me?

The awful truth is starting to dawn on me. Life with these humans is going to be very, very complicated."



Disclaimer: Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purr-ely coincidental.

The Journey

"Ok, I might have been a bit premature regarding the 'Homecoming'. There was a tiny event in-between. I forgot. On the upside, I have new owners Yeah, I reckon I own them. I see it in their eyes. Two pairs of glazed, gooey messiness. I'll have them wound around the tip of my tail in no-time. On the downside, I've been shoved in a box. It had a few holes, but I could barely see a thing. Then I heard this roar; this awful noise that kept on going. Everything started to shake and move, vibrations coming through the box, and on, into and through, my body. I am, by now, mewing as loudly as a tiny kitten like me, can, 'This is awful, let me out of here!' I can hear the man saying it might be better to take me out of the box. I mew again, in agreement. She then takes me to her lap. I can see trees moving past, in a fast motion. My owners are talking to me, and telling me that I'm in something called a car and we are on our way home. So, the box isn't my home, the car isn't my home. Where's my home?! They are telling me we're on the Centenary Highway. Is this my new home? Hope not. I'd prefer my home to keep still and be less roary. 

Meanwhile the conversation between him and her is a little puzzling. He keeps saying odd words. Haven't worked out what it's about yet. I think he has difficulty forming full sentences. For example, 'Beethoven?' he says. 'No' she replies, 'That's a brilliant composer, and then they named a big slobbering dog after him.'

'Apollo?' comes out from him next, obviously still struggling. 'That's the god of light...Our little kitty is black! No'

'Einstein?'... 'No'.

'Tchaikovsky?'.......'No'.

'Newton....?'

'Neh'. 

Hmm. I'm concerned now. Has she regressed? She can't even string two syllables together now?

'Sweety, this is the Brisbane River.'
Ah, she's talking to me now. I'm relieved coherence has returned to her.

'Shostakovich.....?' he starts again after a moment
'Yeah, like 'Shossy' for short? No.'

'Michelangelo....?'
'No.'
'Shakespeare....?'
'NO.'
'Possum, this is Moggil Road. We're nearly home'.

Shakespeare?' ...'NO'.                                            

Possum?! I'm no possum! Oh man. I'm confused. Who are these people? Did they even get an education? Certainly not in English or Zoology!

'Ok sweety, we're nearly there, but the driveway will be a bit bumpy'. 
BUMPY?! She's kidding me, right? It's an earthquake!
The trees are not just moving past, they are shaking past. 
Hang on, maybe it's us that's doing the shaking. My brain's hurting. This is complicated stuff. 

They explain to me that we live here in a granny-flat, not too big, but that on the weekends we live on a property outside town. Meaning, I'll be doing more journeys like this. Oh, that's just great... But here is the granny-flat. Looks big enough to me. It's bigger than the box, car and my cage at the RSPCA put together. Then there is this wonderful big, soft space. They tell me it's a bed. There is another soft space and this, apparently, is a couch. Not sure of the difference. They've given me some biscuits to eat, and a place to place poo. After a bite, I lay down with the elegant lady on the place called 'bed'. It's where you lay down to sleep or relax. She even put a glass of water next to the bed for me. That's kind.

It's been an eventful day, so it's definitely time for a cat-nap  and a back rub now......"

"......Erm.....I'm waiting.....Back rub?.....Anyone?......Please?!"