Wednesday, 26 June 2013

Cuddles and accusations

"Hi, It's Midnight here. I've come home today. I just had a lovely snooze with the elegant lady on the bed, in our little granny-flat. She's telling me there’s another lady living on the property. Apparently this lady loves cats too, but is also enamoured of bats. Strange combination. Perhaps it's because 'cats' and 'bats' rhyme. Her partner is called 'Fruitbat' and they refer to this place at the edge of town as 'Bat End'. Does that mean she is the BatEndCat woman? Well, at least it's not BADendCat woman! 
The gentleman is talking. He's telling me the Batcat woman is called Selina.

My inquisitive nose twitches. 'So what about Fruitbat? I presume he likes fruit and bats, but is that his real name?'

'Fruitbat' he goes on, 'lives with Selina. He keeps a low profile, so you’ll probably meet her first. She’s very enthusiastic with animals.’

Sure enough, not much later I hear a clipper 'Hellooo' outside. Selina strides in, looks at me and states the obvious... 'Oh, he's all black! Are you a naughty kitten?' she asks me, as she leans closer. 
Eh? My blackness is obvious, but my naughtiness? I'm black, but why does this make me naughty? I'm not naughty! Does being black make me naughty?

'Yes! You are a naughty little kitten', she asserts, confirming an answer to her own question. 

Okay. I'm officially confused now. What did I do wrong? Even in my darkest hour, when I was shoved in a box and driven around in a wibbly-wobbly car, I didn't soil myself. Nor the box. Nor did I scratch the humans. Any lesser cat would have caused a cat-astrophy, but not me. And don't get me started about the behaviour of dogs in situations like that. Nevertheless, she says I'm naughty. Hrummph!

However, she's forgiven instantly with her next gesture. She picks me up. My confusion disappears, or more to the point, it ceases to be important. She has 'The Touch'. I am putty in her hands. I don't know about the bats, but she is THE Cat Woman, without a doubt.
'Oh, that's a purr! You're beautiful, you're so trusting' she marvels. 'Look' she says to the others, 'he's so relaxed that I can just dangle him upside-do......'
NOOO..'HELP'. She's taken my legs and holds me upside-down. I'm a CAT, not a BAT...cats do NOT dangle from their hind legs. My little heart is racing and pounding in my ears. I squeal, squirm and squiggle! Selina immediately lets me go and apologises. She plants a kiss on my head that calms me down. A little ruffle, an assurance that she'll never do that again, and she's gone.
Phew! But she has 'The Touch'....! She can come again!

Moo-Chi, being helpful.

I'm all energised now, I look around the place, and notice a lot of shelves and interesting objects. I am sure some of the objects will roll nicely, maybe even make an interesting sound when they hit the floor. I may not dangle upside-down very well, but climbing shelves is a piece of cake for a kitten with my abilities! little tick with my paw and... what do you mean, no?? The NO actually repeats itself, this time louder. Eh, naughty? What do you mean, naughty? Me?

The awful truth is starting to dawn on me. Life with these humans is going to be very, very complicated."

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purr-ely coincidental.

Thursday, 6 June 2013

The Journey

"Ok, I might have been a bit premature regarding the 'Homecoming'. There was a tiny event in-between. I forgot. On the upside, I have new owners Yeah, I reckon I own them. I see it in their eyes. Two pairs of glazed, gooey messiness. I'll have them wound around the tip of my tail in no-time. On the downside, I've been shoved in a box. It had a few holes, but I could barely see a thing. Then I heard this roar; this awful noise that kept on going. Everything started to shake and move, vibrations coming through the box, and on, into and through, my body. I am, by now, mewing as loudly as a tiny kitten like me, can, 'This is awful, let me out of here!' I can hear the man saying it might be better to take me out of the box. I mew again, in agreement. She then takes me to her lap. I can see trees moving past, in a fast motion. My owners are talking to me, and telling me that I'm in something called a car and we are on our way home. So, the box isn't my home, the car isn't my home. Where's my home?! They are telling me we're on the Centenary Highway. Is this my new home? Hope not. I'd prefer my home to keep still and be less roary. 

Meanwhile the conversation between him and her is a little puzzling. He keeps saying odd words. Haven't worked out what it's about yet. I think he has difficulty forming full sentences. For example, 'Beethoven?' he says. 'No' she replies, 'That's a brilliant composer, and then they named a big slobbering dog after him.'
'Apollo?' comes out from him next, obviously still struggling. 'That's the god of light...Our little kitty is black! No'
'Einstein?'... 'No'.
Hmm. I'm concerned now. Has she regressed? She can't even string two syllables together now?
'Sweety, this is the Brisbane River.'
Ah, she's talking to me now. I'm relieved coherence has returned to her.
'Shostakovich.....?' he starts again after a moment
'Yeah, like 'Shossy' for short? No.'
'Possum, this is Moggil Road. We're nearly home'.

Possum?! I'm no possum! Oh man. I'm confused. Who are these people? Did they even get an education? Certainly not in English or Zoology!

'Ok sweety, we're nearly there, but the driveway will be a bit bumpy'. 

BUMPY?! She's kidding me, right? It's an earthquake!
The trees are not just moving past, they are shaking past. 
Hang on, maybe it's us that's doing the shaking. My brain's hurting. This is complicated stuff. 

They explain to me that we live here in a granny-flat, not too big, but that on the weekends we live on a property outside town. Meaning, I'll be doing more journeys like this. Oh, that's just great... But here is the granny-flat. Looks big enough to me. It's bigger than the box, car and my cage at the RSPCA put together. Then there is this wonderful big, soft space. They tell me it's a bed. There is another soft space and this, apparently, is a couch. Not sure of the difference. They've given me some biscuits to eat, and a place to place poo. After a bite, I lay down with the elegant lady on the place called 'bed'. It's where you lay down to sleep or relax. She even put a glass of water next to the bed for me. That's kind.

It's been an eventful day, so it's definitely time for a cat-nap  and a back rub now......"

"......Erm.....I'm waiting.....Back rub?.....Anyone?......Please?!"